


Unwritten beauties

by Kinkyami



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crying Eren Yeager, Doctor Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Eren Yeager Has Heterochromia Iridum, Heterochromia, M/M, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, a lot of crying, sanitarium
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-17 03:05:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8127979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinkyami/pseuds/Kinkyami
Summary: [1947] deep into the countryside, a psychotherapist, Levi Ackerman, lives his colorless life. Well, till he has to mitigate the eye catching brunette with his crazy thinking. And this breathtaking boy also have his ways of talking. It's like poetry running out his mouth. Of Levi course finds a special interest in the boy with two different eye colors. But then there's the problem. A doctor can't have a romantic relationship with a patient.





	1. Bad memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minor Jeanmarco feels, and some YumiKuri because who doesn't love them?

  
Colors.

 

There was nothing. Well, there is, but it's like grey is a topcoat over it all. Really much topcoat of grey. The skies are never completely blue, the color of people's eyes doesn't shine bright and the flowers isn't the first you see among the grass.

 

And that's basically how Levi Ackerman's life is. Hearing about crazy people's depressing backstories and then go home taking a glass of wine, not giving a shit about others. What a great life.

 

But he doesn't mind his life being boring. Because he know very damn well he's not an interesting person. Many times he's been told he should open up more, or not being so blunt all the time. That he should care more. But he only ignore them and keep living his lonely life.

 

 _"You should really get laid,"_  Hanji had suggested. _"Go out, meet some pretty ladies, have fun for once,"_

 

Well, if Hanji just had known that Levi had no intentions to put his screwdriver anywhere near a vagina, she would have understood. But then she would start asking if he rather preferred the screwdriver inside him. And the last thing he needed was getting more confused than he already was.

 

It was one of those colorless days and the ravenette was making his breakfast. It was 6 o'clock in the morning and still, he was drinking red wine. But then again, Levi didn't give many shits. Especially not when it comes to alcohol. It can make you forget things you want to forget, and at the same time make you remember.

 

As the time went by, Levi got dressed for work. He was soon out of the door and left the white house he was living in. Luckily he grew up in Trost, a place where not many people lived. Perfect for Levi, except that he would never get rid of Hanji though.

 

The walk to the sanitarium was silent. The only sounds that filled the air was the wind blowing through the trees and the birds twittering. This was the favorite time of the day for Levi. Early in the morning, being alone like this. Thinking that he was the only person on earth.

 

But of course he wasn't. Cause when the grey building came in sight, he knew the silence wouldn't last for long. And he was so damn right.

 

"Levi~" Hanji was waving at him crazily with a cup of coffee in the other hand. "You have a new patient today remember?"

 

"Yeah, I remember," he said lazily. "Now, tell me about this kid,"

 

"Yes, of course. Let's sit down and-" she stopped and started smelling around her. "Is that... Alcohol?"

 

Oh no, now she's going to babble about how bad it is for him to drink. It was like this often.

 

"Levi, have you been drinking today?" she took her serious voice like he was a little kid that had done something wrong.

 

"No," he mumbled and she gave her a look that practically said I-know-you're-lying. "Just tell me about this kid,"

 

"Oh, of course," they sat down by a table and Hanji started reading the files about the patient. "His name is Eren Jaeger, age 17, his father was from Germany-"

 

"Was?" Levi cut her off.

 

"I'll come to that. So he's half German. There's something wrong with his brain, so his thinking is different from what normal kids at his age would think and act,"

 

"How?"

 

"He honestly sound like a poet but that's not the problem though. He's not living a normal life like a seventeen-year-old boy should. So you're going to help him look differently at the world than he already is. He have too many thoughts for being so young."

 

"Wait, can't he have his own way of thinking?" 

 

"It's not really good for him, so he'll just totally loose his mind. He also have anger issues, believe me, he doesn't seem crazy at all," she took a pause and looked through the papers. "And he was found outside his house that was a on fire, three years ago. Turned out he was the one setting the fire,"

 

"So you're saying he's a pyromaniac?"

 

"Not at all, it was murder,"

 

"Murder?" he shifted in his seat.

 

"There was a body found in the house. His father. Grisha Jaeger,"

 

"Wait, so it wasn't just an accident?"

 

"Evidence have shown that it wasn't. And he wouldn't be here if it only was for his thoughts. _But,_ it's these thoughts that makes him do this. Killing, loosing his mind-"

 

"And he's not in prison?"

 

"Levi, this building is practically a prison. And we don't know the reason to why he would kill his father, but you'll have to dug into his background. Find out if there is a reason why his sanity have led to this. But he can get really angry,"

 

"And his mother?"

 

"Dead. No siblings or anything," Levi sighed. Yet another patient. What a great day this will be.

 

"Okay, where is he?"

 

"Getting his medicine, he'll be ready in ten minutes," Levi replied with a silent 'okay' and then Hanji started babbling about other stuff, but he didn't listen to anything that was coming out of her mouth.

 

"Dr. Ackerman, Eren is ready now," a strawberry-blonde girl with a white nurse outfit came into the room and interrupted Hanji's babbling.

 

"Thank you..." he looked at the name tag she wore. "Petra,"

 

She gave him a smile that would affect other males. But not Levi.

 

He got followed to a door where this 'Eren' apparently was. As she opened the door for him, his eyes landed on the boy that was sitting by the table in the middle of the room. His face wasn't visible because he was looking down. All he could tell was that he had brown hair that looked like it was just recently washed due to how soft it looked.

 

He walked into the room, and it made a clacking sound when his shoes met the floor. And as the boy raised his head, Levi had to stop. Because it was something unfamiliar filling the world.

 

Colors.

 

It was a real color that was in sight. And it was the boy's eyes. His left eye was blue, green and turquoise crushed together. It was like the ocean was trapped inside them. And the right eye was like honey. They were amber-colored and a bit brown-ish. Hanji did not mention he had heterochromia, because his eyes were truly stunning.

 

When he realized he had been staring at his eyes long enough, he coughed and sat down on the other side of the table.

 

"I'm Doctor Levi Ackerman," he found his papers and a pen. Then he put on his glasses.

 

"I'm Eren Jaeger, sir," the boy gave him a bright smile. And that made Levi wonder how the hell he could be so happy when he's trapped in here.

 

"I know," the kid gave him a clueless look, he was probably wondering how he knew. "So Eren, do you know why I'm here?"

 

"No sir, I don't think I do,"

 

"I'm a psychotherapist. And psychotherapy is derived from Ancient Greek. It means breath, spirit and soul. So that will say I'm here to help you with your... Problems,"

 

"Problems?" tilted his head like a lost puppy which made Levi sigh. He thought Hanji said he sounded more like a grown up. He only seems like a clueless little kid.

 

"I'm talking about your background, your life, everything,"

 

"My backstory..." he seemed to get lost in his thoughts. "But sir, my background is a story that won't matter in fourthly years. It will just be an unwritten story that no one will know about,"

 

Levi was kinda taken aback by his words. Now he understood what Hanji was talking about.

 

"Yes, but it won't be an unwritten story if I write it down on this piece of paper,"

 

"But what will be the fun when people know about your story? Would you want to have it for yourself? Thinking about all the memories that happened?" the ravenette could already tell it was going to be hard to get anything out of this boy.

 

"Not when the memories are only loneliness and misery,"

 

"But it's still memories. Wether it's something you cry or laugh over, it's still a story. Your story," how in the world did these words come from a seventeen years old boy?

 

"But we're not here for me, but for you. Now tell me, Eren, you're half German?"

 

"Indeed,"

 

"Are you proud of coming from another country as Germany?"

 

"No," the brunette suddenly got more serious.

 

"Would you tell me why?" Levi's voice was calm so Eren wouldn't totally loose it.

 

"Bad memories,"

 

"And you want to forget those bad memories with not talking or thinking about it,"

 

"Yes," he mumbled.

 

"You know, I come from France but I'm not really proud of it,"

 

"Why?" Eren became more interested in this stranger. That he had met someone that may understand him.

 

"Bad memories," Levi's lips twitched a bit because of the way he was playing with Eren and the boy knew it too, so he let his lips do the same. "Look, I know you don't want to talk about yourself right now because we just met. But one day you have to, cause it's for your best. That's why you're here, so we can help you get better,"

 

Eren nodded and it became quiet again. Then the same girl, Petra, interrupted the silence.

 

"Are you done, Doctor?" she asked.   

 

"Yes,"

 

"Okay. Are you ready to go Eren?" he gave her a sweet smile before turning to Levi.

 

"I'm looking forward to seeing you again sir," he said and gave him a big smile. And in the first time in a long time, Levi returned it.

 

Levi Ackerman was smiling.

  


	2. Burning walls

  
It was another day. Another morning. Another cup of coffee. Another article from the newspaper. Another boring day. And keep going. Just like that. Every day. Another everything.

  
Levi had been at work all day. Listening to Hanji's babbling, screaming from patients and nurses snickering about the hot guys from the army.

  
He was now standing by the reception reading through some files about one of the patients, Ymir. She was currently found unconscious on the side of the road. No surname, no ID, nothing.

  
"Doctor?" the little blonde girl interrupted his reading. "She's in the other room, she just woke up."

  
He gave her a little nod as they went into a room with different patients with different stories. Some were crazier than others, and other were more quieter.

  
And by the table a tan girl with brown hair tied in a loose ponytail was sitting playing solitaire. Freckles was dotted under her intimidating eyes. And once they landed on Christa a little smirk spread across her face.

  
"Ymir, this is Doctor Levi Ackerman," the freckled girl gave a short glance at Levi and then her eyes were back at the blond one.

  
"Is this heaven? 'Cause damn girl, you sure are something God created himself." Levi raised an eyebrow at what she just had said to the little girl.

  
"Uhm, it's probably just side effects from the drugs," she said and tried to fake chuckle the embarrassment off.

  
"Are you an interior decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful," Ymir came with another pick up line which lead to Christa blush madly. Not just because this stranger was hitting on her, but also because it was in front of the Doctor.

  
"She seems to like you," Levi patted her on the back. And then he noticed the same boy from three days ago that sat by the window. "I'll be right back."

  
"Wait-" Christa tried to stop him but he was already headed over to the brunette.

  
"Eren." the brunette averted his gaze from the view and up to Levi instead.

  
"Doctor." Levi almost lost his breath when he saw Eren's aesthetic eyes. He had a huge smile that had appeared when he the ravenette came.

  
"It's a beautiful view, right?" they both looked out the window. Different colors was smudged together on the skies.

  
"It would be more beautiful if I could be outside, feeling the grass under me instead of sitting here in a chair inside." his happy smile turned to a sad one and it broke something in Levi. Poor kid, he's trapped in here.

  
_'I'll take you out sometime'_ Levi thought. No, he can't. He could get fired because it's not his job to take the patines out. It's the nurses but they never do anyway. And it would be discriminatory. He can't let one person outside just because of the sad look his their eyes.

  
"So will you come for a talk today?" Eren asked.

  
"I'll come later when I'm done with another patient. Right now she's flirting with one of the nurses." he looked behind him to see Ymir and Christa, and Eren followed his gaze to see the same.

  
"Oh, I see." he sounded kinda disappointed that Levi wouldn't be there to talk.

  
"Well, I should get back. See you later, Eren." and with that he left.

  
"Yeah." then it was back at thinking again. He watched as Levi talked to the freckled brunette but she didn't seem to listen to him. Instead her eyes was on the blue-eyed girl that was helping another person with some medicines.

  
He looked on the other people that were in the room. A foot away from Eren, two people were talking. The guy had shaved his head and the girl had red-ish hair. They looked a bit older than Eren.

  
"I'm telling you Sasha, my potatoes are magnificent, and you get sausage with purchase. I have them under the table."

  
"But the man in the store from yesterday told me not to eat sausages which has expired." she answered.

  
"But my lawyer checked it, it's completely fine." Eren didn't listen more to their conversation, they were obviously crazy. Then a guy with short, light ash-brown hair and light-brown eyes came up to the brunette.

  
"Have you seen him?" he sounded worried and some kind sad.

  
"Seen who?"

  
"M-Marco. He should've been home by now."

  
"No, I haven't, sorry." a guy with blonde hair that was cut in a style of a bob came and took the patient's arm in his.

  
"Jean, Marco joined the army." his voice was soft and comforting.

  
"When will he be back?"

 

"He won't. He died three years ago." tears was forming in Jean's eyes as they widened at his words.

  
"W-what?" he started sobbing and the blonde guy led him away. Eren couldn't help feeling bad for the guy. Then his mind went somewhere else than on what had just happened.

  
Instead his mind went somewhere even worse. Because everyone in the room suddenly disappeared. Everything was black. It was just a dark hole and Eren was in the middle of it. He felt the air getting heavier and it was harder to breath. Then he noticed the creature that was in front of him as he fell down on his knees.

  
"I'll see you in hell, son." a dark voice was heard and Eren knew so damn well who it was. Then he felt a hot wave hit him and realized that the creature were burning.

  
"No. No!" he yelled out of anger.

  
Then everything went black.

-

"This is what I meant when I said he can loose his mind." a familiar voice was heard.

  
"Hanji, he just passed out?" Levi.

 

"And started screaming and crying. Does it look normal to you? No, there's a reason he's here."

  
"How many times does it happen?"

  
"Maybe three times a week. He starts hallucinating and then boom, he's unconscious."

  
"Because of these thoughts?"

  
"Because of these thoughts."

  
Eren's eyelids slowly opened and he was met by the ravenette and the brunette that was standing above him. He tried to move his hand and managed to brush against Levi's hand.

  
"Eren." he breathed out and the kid smiled at how relieved Levi sounded.

  
"You're awake!" Hanji got close to his face as Eren winced at the how loud she was.

  
"Hanji." Levi warned her.

  
"Sorry." she backed away. "I'll let you two talk."

  
She left the room where Eren first had passed out.

  
"What time is it?" Eren asked.

  
"It's nine thirty."

  
"I should be in my room now." Eren tried to get up.

  
"I told them I would take care of it."

  
"Oh, okay. Shall we go then?"

  
"I promised to have a talk, remember."

  
"But you should be home, I don't want to be a burden."

  
"You're not a burden Eren."

  
"Okay, good." he smiled. They sat in silence for a few seconds before Levi spoke up.

  
"Do you want to talk about what happened earlier?"

  
"Not really." it wasn't before now they realized they were sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace.

  
"You know you have to one day."

  
"Then I dread the day has arrived." they watched the fire and it made Eren kinda anxious just watching it.

  
"Eren, I want to ask you some questions." Eren's attention was drawn to Levi. "What do you think about when you hear freedom?"

  
He became quiet, thinking about what came to his mind.

  
"I think about happiness."

  
"And why's that?"

  
"Because happiness is something everyone and everything can find. When you're surrounded by the ones you love you can be free but trapped at the same time."

  
"And what about love? What do you think?"

  
"Also happiness. But sadness too. You feel so happy and lucky that you have no idea what to do with yourself. But you can't be happy forever, so it'll die. And maybe it will come back."

  
"And death?"

  
"What everyone would think about. Sorrow, sadness, anxiousness. Those words are like a circle. You can experience all of it. Just look at the fire. It's free, it moves as it wants, but it's still on the same place. But it is with things that keeps it going. The oxygen. If it wasn't there, it would get strangled and then," he formed his fingers as a gun and pointed them to Levi's head. "Boom. It dies."

  
"Do you know what that's like? Being left alone?"

  
"Yeah, I do."

  
"Tell me." Eren hesitated first but he thought that Levi probably already knew about half of his life.

  
"I guess you already know a lot already."

  
"I've read your files, yeah. But you can't always trust some piece of paper." the brunette sighed knowing he probably had to just tell him. "So first, I want you to tell me about your childhood."

  
"I lived with my parents in a little house. Our neighbors was really nice to my family, but they had no idea what actually was happening behind those closed doors of our house." Eren paused taking a shaky breath. All the bad memories hitting him and soon tears was forming in his eyes.

  
"Hey Eren, it's okay." Levi took his hand. He looked down on the ground but the ravenette lifted his chin with his finger so they were looking at each other. "It's okay."

  
"I'm sorry." he started crying even more.

  
"Hey, come here." Levi opened his arms and Eren accepted the embrace. He took his arms around Levi's neck and his arms went around Eren's waist.

  
Levi actually sucks at comforting people and he hates it too, but it was just so the kid would stop crying.

  
"Do you regret doing it?" Levi asked. Eren knew very damn well what he was talking about. It was about what happened to his father.

  
"No. I don't."

  
So Hanji was right. He really is crazy.


	3. The lost estate

  
Dark room. Black walls. No corners nor doors. No way out. Damn it, it was the same dream. The same dream that appears every day. My eyelids felt heavy and so did my body. Slowly, I managed to move my foot, then the other one, and then my arms. Eventually I was on my feet.

  
And by my surprise a white door was shining in the middle of the room. And of course I walked to it. It would be stupid either way whether I walked through it or let it be. As the door opened, I hesitated. Fuck it, it could be a way out.

   
But it wasn't exactly that. It was a way too familiar room instead. The living room from my old house. Well, at least I wasn't in the dark hole anymore. I took a few steps into the room till I saw one particular person.

   
"M-mom?" my voice cracked and that was enough to steal her attention. She was sitting by the table where we used to eat.

   
"Eren," she gave me a friendly smile. My heart fluttered and broke in a thousand pieces at the same time. "How have you been?"

   
I couldn't take it. Her voice that filled the room and the friendly look she always was wearing. A tear was already finding its way down my cheek. I didn't want to cry, but all this was too much.

  
"I miss you! I need you back!" I cried. Soon my knees found the floor and I sat there with my hands in front of my eyes.

   
"Eren?" her voice was fading and as soon as I lifted my head, I realized she was almost gone. She started shining like an angel. The whole dark room become lighter just because of her. Before I knew it, my feet were dragging me to where she sat.

  
"No, don't leave! You need to stay!" I yelled but she still had the same smile. She placed her hand on my cheek but I couldn't feel her touch. It was like she wasn't there.

   
"I will always be here, dear." and slowly she disappeared. Just like that. The room got dark again and there wasn't any familiar face anymore. My tears kept streaming down like a waterfall and it was impossible to stop them.

   
But then I remembered, this isn't real. This is my mind playing with me. My mom is dead, my house burned down and there is no darkness. I need to wake up. Wake up from this horrible dream.

   
_Wake up._

  _  
Now._

  _  
This isn't real._

  _  
None of it is._

_-_

"Hey Eren." a soft voice woke me up. "Are you awake?"

   
I hummed tiredly and raised up. I realized I were in my room on my bed, and got even happier when I noticed Levi sitting on the chair by the table.

   
"Hey." I smiled at him and he returned it. "Did I fell asleep?"

  
"Yeah." he answered simply and kept reading in his book.

   
"Why are you here?" he raised an eyebrow at me. "Not that I don't want you here, but isn't there other patients that need your help?"

   
"There isn't that many patients here, and there's doctors and nurses who take care of them."

   
"Oh." silence filled the room. "Can I ask you a question?"

 

"Of course."

 

"Do you believe in angels?" Eren blurted out.

 

"Why do you ask?"

 

"I had a dream."

 

"I can't say I do." Levi wanted to ask about the dream, but it was obvious Eren didn't want to talk about it.

 

"So what are you reading?" Eren started a new subject.

   
"Le grand meaulnes." he said with a French accent and I gave him a weird look because I didn't understand what it meant. "It means 'the lost estate'."

   
"What is it about?"

   
"A mysterious, lonely boy at your age, searching for his lost love."

  
"Will you read it for me?" Levi nodded and went to the first page.

   
"He arrived at our house on a Sunday in November 189... I still say "our house," although that house is no longer ours. We left the region fifteen years ago and we will certainly never return.

   
We lived in the apartments of the upper school of Saint-Agathe. My father, whom I used to call 'Monsieur Seurel' like the other students, directed the higher course where pupils were prepared for the teaching certificate and also taught the middle forms. My mother was responsible for teaching the younger children.

   
It was a long red house, at the edge of the commune, with five glazed doors, surrounded by Virginia creepers; it had an immense courtyard (with a covered playground and laundry room) which opened onto the village through a large gate.

  
On the north side, there was the road, edged by low railings, which led to the train station some three kilometres away; on the south side and round the back, there were fields, gardens, and those nearby which abutted the suburbs ... such is the simple description of this residence where the most disturbing and most dear days in my life passed - the residence from which our adventures left and returned to break, like waves of the sea, on an isolated rock.

   
It must have been a chance decision made by an inspector or prefect that had caused us to end up there. Towards the end of the holidays, a long time ago, a farmer's cart, followed by our furniture and household goods, set us down, my mother and myself, in front of the rusty low railings.

   
Children, who had been stealing peaches from the garden, escaped silently through holes in the hedge ... My mother, whom we used to call Millie, and who was easily the most meticulous housewife that I have ever known, immediately went into the dusty rooms, and at once despairingly concluded, as she did after each "move", that our furniture would never fit in a house so poorly laid out.

  
She came out to tell me of her distress. While speaking to me, she gently wiped my face, blackened by the journey, with her handkerchief. She then returned to count all the openings which would need to be closed up in order to make the lodging habitable ... As for me, wearing a big straw hat with ribbons, I remained there, on the gravel of this strange courtyard, to wait and to explore around the well and beneath the shed.

   
That's the way that I now imagine our arrival probably was. Because, when I want to recall that distant memory of lingering in the courtyard of our home at Saint-Agathe on the first evening, there are now other times when I remember waiting - my two hands grasping the bars of the gate - I see myself anxiously looking down the street, waiting for someone to appear.

   
And again, if I try to imagine the first night that I passed in my bedroom, in the middle of the attics of the top floor, there are other nights now that come to mind; I am no longer alone in this room; a wonderful presence excites me with a reassuring shadow moving to and fro on the walls.

  
My memory of this peaceful landscape with the school, Old Martin's field, with its three walnut trees and garden which was always filled every day after four o'clock by visiting women, has been disturbed and is transformed forever by the person that invaded my adolescence and whose final absence even then did not give me peace.

   
We had been living in the house for ten years when Meaulnes arrived."

   
As his calming voice filled the room, I couldn't stop staring at him. His black hair that fell over his eyes as he bowed his head when he read. The one leg over the other the book leaning on his thigh. The grey eyes of his that followed where his pale finger was holding under the lines.

  
And here I sat admiring his looks and abilities to make someone, like me, feel so relaxed. Who would know only a voice can make you feel drugged in a good way. In my bed I laid on my stomach and my head on the pillow, with my eyes plastered on him.

  
And as all possible thoughts visited my mind, just hearing this man's voice, seeing his face, him being here, I just felt less lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter I know.


	4. Piano lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren get to know some things about Levi from Hanji and Erwin

  
**Eren**

Yet another new week. Waking up in the creaky beds, eating food that's not exactly the best and of course. It's another day with meeting Levi. Lately I've actually been kinda exited to get out of bed. Just so I can meet the short ravenette.

  
It was just depressing being here before he became my psychotherapist. Our talks help me, I feel more comfortable and... home, somehow.

  
But today wasn't one of these days I would see the shortie. No, because there was no sign of him anywhere. Usually he would sit and drink coffee at the table outside the room where the crazy people stays in the free time.

  
I sat anxiously down on the red chair a meter away from the others. Patiently I waited for someone I knew. But there wasn't many of them. Never had I realized how alone I felt without Levi here.

  
Then my eyes landed on the familiar brunette. Her hair was tied in a high ponytail and she had put her glasses on her head.

  
"Hi there Eren, how are ya?" she sat down right beside me and looked at me with big eyes.

  
"I'm fine thank you." I gave her a weak smile 'cause there wasn't much else to offer.

  
"You're looking depressed today, kid. Something wrong?" her big eyes soon turned to concerned ones.

  
"Where's Dr. Levi?" I asked right out. And by her look I could tell she knew that I felt alone without him.

  
"Missing him _that_ much, huh? He had to call in sick today. Actually it surprise me that someone asks for him."

  
"Levi?" a tall, blonde guy came behind us and sat on the other side of the table.

  
"Yeah."

  
"Sorry for interrupting your conversation. I'm Erwin, the boss here." of course I knew that.

  
"I'm Eren."

  
"I know. So you were talking about Levi?"

  
"What did you mean when you said you were surprised." I asked, getting curious. Obviously they were thinking the same 'cause Erwin knew right away we talked about Levi.

  
"Levi isn't exactly the first person people would pick for having him as their friend." Hanji said.

  
"How so?" when I thought about it, I didn't know much about him.

  
"Well, Levi is Levi." it was like Erwin knew everything about him.

  
"I don't understand."

  
"Honey, you haven't known him as long as us."

  
"Then tell me how he really is." they looked at each other and let out small laughs.

  
"There's a lot to tell about Levi. Like, he's a rude little shrimp."

  
"He can get very angry if someone comments his height."

  
"He drinks. A lot."

  
"He barely sleeps at night,"

  
"Finds everything annoying."

  
"Especially Hanji."

  
"True. And let's not forget he's a clean freak."

  
"How can you forget?"

  
"But that's only the parts everyone knows about. We've known him a little longer so we know quite a lot."

  
"Like, he can actually sing pretty good."

  
"He's actually a really emotional guy, but he just never shows it."

  
"He have no idea what to do in relationships. Hell, I don't even think he's been with anyone."

  
"Have he even lost his virginity?"

  
"I have never thought about that. He must've, he's fucking twenty-six years old."

  
"But when I tell him to find a woman he doesn't answer. He just ignore me when I ask if he's found some pretty woman."

  
"Do you think, that..." Hanji said and they both became quiet, probably thinking the same, again. "Maybe he isn't interested in girls at all."

  
"You think he's homosexual?" they were almost whispering.

  
"Dr. Levi?" I didn't exactly know how to feel about what they were saying.

  
"We don't know. But another thing about him, he used to be out of his mind." Hanji whispered.

  
"What?"

  
"Yeah, it was after he lost the only family he had. Farlan and Isabel."

  
"How did they die?"

  
"War. Ever since, he have never forgiven himself." I started feeling bad for Levi. I didn't knew this, well, I don't know a lot anyway. It's basically me our talks is about. "But I want to find him a girl and see how it goes, if he really is homosexual or not."

  
"You really think that's a good idea?" Erwin looked skeptical at Hanji.

  
"I don't know. What about Petra? It's obvious she likes him." the thought made me kinda... sad and angry. Thinking about him with a woman. With Petra. I don't know anymore.

  
But they sat here and talked about Levi like he was some kind of doll. I felt like boiling on the inside, listening to them speak like this.

  
"You don't have the right to talk shit about him!" I shit up from the chair and hit my fist in the table. Their shocked expressions went first on me and then each other. My head was lowered so I looked on the ground, not daring to look on either of them.

  
"Sorry." I mumbled and with that I left.

-

**Levi**

  
It was late and I realized there were some paperwork I have to do. But of course that's on work. But on the bright side, maybe I meet the ray of sunshine there, Eren. I got dressed and wrapped my scarf around me many times. After about ten minutes I got to the sanitarium.

  
"Hey, Dr. Levi." I walked past the smiling Petra with a patient as I recalled as Auruo.

  
"Hey." I answered short and kept walking, but then I remembered the other reason I was here. "Have you seen Eren?"

  
"I think he's still in there." she pointed at the room where the patients mostly use their time.

  
"Isn't he supposed to be in his room?" I asked.

  
"Yeah, but he seemed so interested in the piano so I let him be there for another five minutes."

  
"I can follow him to his room if you don't have time."

  
"Oh, thank you." she then kept walking and so did I. And then my eyes landed on the slender boy that sat in front of the piano.

  
I walked soundlessly to Eren and he didn't notice me. His eyes were closed as his fingers were running over the piano keys and the music filled the air. He looked so peaceful as he sat there. And as I listened to the music I realized I had heard the song before.

  
I put my finger on the piano key that he was about to press down so it fitted to the song. His eyes opened and went up on me when he realized this. A bright smile spread across his face and he kept playing.

  
He made space so I could sit down. And there we sat, playing the song. Everything was so nice and peaceful. It's been a long time since I felt so relaxed. I've been stressed with my job lately and I know it's not good for me.

  
But this damn boy makes me feel free in some way. The world just opened for me. No, I opened for the world. I can forget about every little thing I have to concern about. And that's all thanks to the kid next to me.

  
"You came back." he said as we played the piano together. In the corner of my eye, I could see his lips was slightly twitched up.

  
"I had to get some paperwork." I said and could sense he got a bit disappointed. "And maybe because I hadn't seen you today."

  
We stopped playing after a while and just sat there for a few quiet seconds.

  
"So where did you learn to play?" I asked to break the silence.

  
"My mom learned me when I was younger."

  
"Mine too."

  
"Do you see her often?"

  
"No, she's not here anymore." there was slightly sorrow in my voice. I could see an apologizing look Eren's breathtaking eyes. "It's a long time ago."

  
I explained so he didn't have to ask more, 'cause it was clearly he was curious.

  
"We should get you to your room soon." I tried to change the subject. He nodded and we walked in silence to where he use to sleep.

  
"Goodnight, sir." Eren said when he had laid under his duvet.

  
"Eren, just call me Levi." a confused look came from him.

  
"Aren't everyone supposed to call you 'sir' or 'doctor'?"

  
"Yeah, they are. But it's different with you." I had to watch out on what I was saying now. I can't give the boy wrong signals. And most importantly, not get any wrong ideas myself.

  
"Okay, goodnight Levi." he smiled and I couldn't help but did the same.

  
Never would I think that a person as Eren would make me feel like this. Make me smile just by the thought of him. And I love it but hate it at the same time. That he, his eyes, his smile, his personality, him, could make me so... softhearted. He isn't like any other patient here. He's more. Because...

  
_I care about him._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They won't confess so early when they've developed feelings for each other. I like it's late in the story when they first understand that everything they've been missing in life, is each other's dick.


	5. Devil horns

  
"Eren, it's time to wake up." a sweet voice interrupted Eren's dreaming. His eyes shot open to see Christa standing by his bed.

  
"I'm awake." he mumbled in his pillow.

  
"Time to take your medication." she found her plate with three different medicine bottles. She took one from each and handed them to Eren with a glass of water. "Here."

  
"Thanks." he raised up and took t from her hands. The pills got thrown in his mouth and soon they went down his throat.

  
"Come on, it's breakfast." she said and Eren decided to bring his sketch pad if he wanted to draw. He got up and went to the dining room. He sat down by himself so he didn't have to start conversations with others. He got his food and started eating.

  
"Hey Eren." a familiar voice was heard and the brunette raised his head to see Levi there.

  
"Good morning, sir." he smiled.

  
"I told you, it's Levi."

  
"Oh, right. Levi." the ravenette sat down next to him and noticed the sketches in front of him.

  
"I didn't know you drew." he pointed at them.

  
"Oh, I've drawn for a while." He scratched his neck.

  
"You're full of surprises aren't you?" Eren didn't quite understand this.

  
"Is that a compliment or...?"

  
"It's a compliment." Eren's look literally said 'how so?' "I'm saying that you're not a boring person. And I enjoy using my time with you."

  
The words made Eren's stomach flutter. So he's not a burden after all. He just gave him a huge smile, not actually knowing what to say.

  
"You want to see the drawings?" he handed him the sketchbook and Levi started looking at the drawings. He was speechless.

  
The first drawing was a woman sitting by a table. It looked like he had used many layers of lead due to how dark it was. But something that really drew the attention in the picture, was the wings that was on the woman's back. Then it came back to Levi.

  
_"Do you believe in angels?"_

  
It must've been from Eren's dream, Levi thought. Someone he maybe know?

  
"Who's this?" he asked. And as he asked he noticed the sorrow in Eren's eyes.

  
"It's my mother." his sad voice almost broke Levi's heart. It even made him sad just by thinking about it. And that's not good, because Eren is his patient. The doctors aren't supposed to feel sad over the patient. Nor start developing feelings or taking more interest in some than others. But he had already broke one of those rules.

  
Then Levi looked closer at the drawing and noticed something that looked like a face. It was hidden in the dark behind the woman. And he could see the horns on its head. Like devil horns. It looked quite creepy.

  
"And that is...?" he pointed at the face. Eren's expression turned from sad to angry in seconds.

  
"That's my father." Levi raised an eyebrow.

  
"He have horns."

  
"Like the devil."

  
"Was your dad evil? Like the devil?"

  
"Yes."

  
"I thought the devil killed angels."

  
"It does." Levi almost lost his breath just by thinking about what had happened. Usually a person's mental illness is caused because of something traumatic that happened to them. Maybe this has something to do with Eren's mental health.

  
Both Levi and Eren had hoped to get a peaceful start of the morning, especially with each other, but that doesn't happen so often here. There's whether screaming or someone who's having a fight. Or maybe the doctors and nurses are running because someone has killed themselves.

  
But today there was just a crazy patient that was imagining things. It was the same person Eren had seen weeks ago, Jean, he thought it was. Everyone's eyes were on him as he went to talk to everyone.

  
"H-have you seen Marco?" he asked. People shook their heads. "Please, I need to find him."

  
"Jean, he's not here." the same blonde coconut guy came up to him and took his arm. "Come on, let's go somewhere else."

  
"No! He's got to be here!" Jean pushed him away. "I need him! I love him! I haven't confessed yet!"

  
"Marco is not here." Armin tried to calm Jean down but he didn't listen. "Jean-"

  
"No!" Jean pushed Armin again so he fell on the ground, and Levi raised up quickly and was in action.

  
"Jean Kirstein!" he yelled and everyone became quiet. "Don't push employees like that."

  
"I just need, to find, Marco." he breathed out. "I just need..."

  
"Marco is _dead_ , Jean. You need to understand that." Levi laid an arm on Jean's shoulder.

  
"No! No, no, no! He's here somewhere." he was about to loose his mind. Or he already has. Jean pushed Levi's arm away from him, but the raven kept trying to calm him down. And the sight made Eren angry. Just that Levi was being harshly pushed away.

  
"Jean, you need to calm down." he kept repeating. "Breath."

  
"Stop! I'm tired of you doctors talking to me like I'm crazy! I'm not!" Levi slowly got closer to him.

  
"Okay, okay, you're not crazy. You just need to calm down-" everyone gasped. Jean had just hit Levi with his fist. The ravenette couldn't do much because the employees don't have the right to hurt the patients.

  
And this made Eren loose his shit. He was furious. This brought memories back. Back to when his dad hit his mom. And when he hit Eren. Everything that touches something he loves, have to disappear. That's why his dad had to. But now it was Levi that was being touched. This 'Jean' have to disappear.

  
Eren raised up quickly from his seat and stole everyone's attention. In a second he grabbed Jean's shirt and noticed the terrified look in both his and Levi's eyes. And another gasp from everyone was heard when his fist hit Jean's cheek. Hard.

  
"Eren!" Levi yelled at him but he didn't listen. He just kept hitting him. He had no idea what he was doing. Jean was now on the ground and Eren hovered above him as he kept hitting him.

  
"Never," punch.

  
"Touch," punch.

  
"Him," punch.

  
"Again." punch.

  
"Eren, stop!" Levi was trying to get him away but he got pushed away. "Guards!"

  
A big, muscular, blonde guy and one tall brunette ran towards them. The blonde one, also named Reiner, took his arms under Eren's and pulled him away. Eren tried to get away from his grasp, but Reiner was way stronger than him.

  
The tall one, Bertolt, checked if Jean was okay. Luckily he was still breathing, but his face was bloody. Eren was breathing heavily next to him. Then he noticed Levi's terrified look.

  
"Levi..." he tried to go to him, but the ravenette made a sign for him to stop where he was.

  
"Don't come closer." Eren stopped, not understanding what Levi was saying. But the look in his eyes looked scared. Like he was scared of Eren. "Take him away."

  
He said to the guards and they did so. The two took Eren by his arms while he was kicking and screaming.

  
And Levi looked at him all the way till he disappeared. Now he totally understood what Hanji was saying about his illness.

-

Levi had been sitting in the dining room for two hours after the incident. He just sat there thinking. About Eren. Then Hanji interrupted his thinking by sitting next to him.

  
"You okay?" she asked, her voice sounded a bit sympathetic.

  
"Yeah." he mumbled. And the first time in a long time, Levi actually wanted to have conversation with Hanji. "I just don't understand it. It seemed like he was completely normal. His innocent face, his talking, his smile! And his, oh, his fucking eyes! His innocence."

  
"You _do_ realize he killed his father _and_ killed two men when he was fucking seven years old. But I know what you're talking about. All though he's the person here who's least crazy."

  
"But still..."

  
"Levi, there's a reason he's here." Levi nodded. "Eren seems to have taken a special interest in you."

  
"How so?" he gave her a confused look.

  
"Well, he got offended when Erwin and I talked about you."

  
"You talked shit about me?" Levi didn't exactly get offended if they did I.

  
"Not exactly. But he seems to be overprotective. That's probably why Eren killed his father, because he did some nasty things to him and his mother. Maybe that's why he beat up Jean."

  
"What are you saying?"

  
"That Eren's overprotective over you."

  
"You think?"

  
"Yeah, why else would he have done it. He spends a lot of time with you. After you came, he have seemed a lot more happier." Levi tried not to, but his lips twitched a bit up. "Can I ask you something?"

  
"Spit out."

  
"Do you have any special interest in Eren?"

  
"Jesus Christ, Hanji, he's a kid."

  
"Not like that! I'm not stupid. I just, you seem to have more interest in him than your other patients."

  
"What? No." Levi knew that wasn't true. He do care about Eren more than he should.

  
"Okay, just making sure. 'Cause, you know, when you take this job you have terms you have to agree on. Just so you don't loose your job, you know."

  
"Mhm." thoughts started running through Levi's head now. Hanji was right. He have already broken one of the rules, and he could loose his job for it. But then there was those incredible eyes in the back of his head than kept showing up.

  
He can never take his mind off that damn kid.


	6. Unfamiliar walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of yandare Eren because why not

The white walls wasn't familiar at all for Eren. The bed he was laying on, was more uncomfortable than usual. And the door was white instead of green. The walls was more lighter than the creamy white color he was used to. This was a completely different room.

  
He raised up from the bed and memories came back. Jean who punched Levi, and Eren who beat up Jean. And then a even worse memory. Levi's reaction. It made Eren feel like something terrible. Like a monster.

  
His thoughts got cut off when someone opened the door. And by his surprise, a particular ravenette came in. Just like Eren had wished.

  
"Dr. Levi." he breathed out. Eren then remembered that he wanted him to just call him Levi, but he didn't correct him this time, like he usually do.

  
"Eren." he said simply. "Do you know why you're here?"

  
"I can't say I do."

  
"It's because of what happened three days ago." Three days? So Eren had been here for that long.

  
"I still don't understand why I'm here."

  
"You beat up a guy."

  
"He punched you."

  
"Yeah, he punched me. _One_ time. And you broke his nose _and_ three of his ribs." he started raising his voice. "You can't do things like that just because he hit me!"

  
"Well, sorry for caring about you!"

  
"You're not supposed to care about me, I'm your fucking psychotherapist!"

  
That was just words coming out of Levi's mouth. It's not like he doesn't care about Eren back, but he can loose his job for this, or they will move Eren to another place than Trost.

  
"Sorry then! It's just, I just feel less lonely when I'm with you." Levi wanted to say that he felt the same, 'cause it's true, but he can't.

  
"Eren, I will keep being your psychotherapist, but you can't look at me as anything else than that. I'm only here to help you."

  
And this made Eren angry again. Hearing words he doesn't want to hear. That he's not allowed to feel what he feels for Levi. He didn't want it.

  
"So I need to know more about you if I'm going to to help you." Levi found a chair and sat down.

  
"Well, I barely know anything about you."

  
"But I'm not the patient here." Eren have him a look that said ain't-gonna-talk-before-you-talk. "Fine, we'll make a deal. First I'll tell about myself, then you do the same."

  
"Okay, so what's your story?"

  
"Imagine a seven-years-old homeless boy sitting on the streets. No food, dirty skin and torn clothes. People walk past like what they're seeing is normal and they see something like this every day. But do you think people would care more if they knew this kid's backstory? If they knew his mother had died of tuberculosis, or that his uncle was starving him?"

  
"People are cold hearted bastards, sir. So that was your childhood? What about Farlan and Isabel?" Levi gave him a questioning look.

  
"How did you know-" he stopped himself. "Hanji and Erwin told you, right?"

  
"Yeah."

  
"Of course they did. Well, when I grew older, I met Farlan. We were just two criminals who stole shit for a living. And we met Isabel on the way. A little redhead with one hell of an attitude."

  
"Was she your lover?" Eren blurted out without thinking.

  
"What? No! Are you crazy? She was only like a sister to me."

  
"Oh, sorry." he felt stupid now. "So what happened to them?"

  
"They, uh, well, I got into some serious shit. I owed someone money and they threatened with taking what was most important to me. Which meant Farlan and Isabel."

  
"You never gave them the money?"

  
"We were going to move somewhere else, where they wouldn't find us. But it was too late. They got them before I even could... Before-" memories hit the ravenette. The two lifeless bodies. Blood stains on the floor. The dead eyes that was staring into nowhere...

  
"Hey, it's okay." Eren had a calming voice that literally made Levi melt. This was the exact same thing that happened weeks ago. Just with Levi being the one to calm Eren down. He wondered how a kid like him, who had killed three people, did it.

  
"God, it's like you're my psychologist now. We're not even supposed to do this, but you haven't told me about yourself yet."

  
"Okay, so from the start. I was born in Germany. Moved here when I was four-"

  
"Why did you move?"

  
"It had something with my father's job. As I told you a day, we lived in a house. And behind those walls, well..."

  
"Eren, I need you to tell me everything."

  
"My father hit me. And my mom." he forced out. Levi got a bit surprised, but at the same time he wasn't. It had to be a reason he burned that house.

  
"That's why you killed your father?" Eren kept quiet. "Eren? You need to talk here."

  
The brunette averted his gaze from Levi's hard stare. Eren felt like he was being judged here.

  
"You also killed two men. Will you tell me why?" Levi was getting impatient.

  
"It won't be a secret if I tell you, would it? And what's the point in living if you can't have things by yourself?"

  
"I'm not playing any of your games, Eren." he raised his voice and Eren wasn't very used to Levi being like this. "Just fucking tell me already. Why did you kill three people? Just because they did something bad? Was your dad an alcoholic or something? Did he hit you because he wasn't proud of having you as his son?"

  
His words hit Eren. Screaming to him like this, without even knowing the whole story. He got angry. On Levi. He doesn't hate him, but he was still furious of course.

  
"Or is it just your crazy mind that made you think-" Eren lost it. He was already up from his bed, ready to throw Levi off the chair and on the floor.

  
Levi didn't do much to resist it. It was so sudden, and then again, he can't fight back when it comes to patients. He hit the floor hard and before he could get up, Eren was already straddling him. And before Levi knew it, two hands were around his neck.

  
Everything went so fast. The murderous look Eren had, and the scared expression that formed in Levi's face. This wasn't how any of them wanted their day to be. It wasn't how they wanted their relationship to be.

 

None of them signed up for this. Eren didn't want to be like this, and Levi didn't want to do the same mistake he did years ago. Getting too fond of this kid, when he know that he can't, and _will_ loose him eventually.

  
The grip around Levi's neck became harder. He could feel it started to get harder to breath. The air wasn't fresh, the room wasn't clear and Eren's beautiful eyes got blurry.

  
If Levi had been more conscious, he would fight back. Even if he's a doctor and Eren's a patient, but when it came to that he was suffocating him, he had the right.

  
Levi knew that he didn't mean what he was doing. It was another blackout. But still, he got kinda hurt. Hurt because he was basically being strangled by the person that actually made his life seem a bit more interesting. A person that makes him forget about all the worries in life.

  
"E-Eren..." Levi managed to breath out. He raised his arm lazily and brushed his hand lightly against Eren's cheek. Just by the touch, Eren's expression softened. He became aware of his surroundings, the man that was under him, barely conscious.

  
Eren's heart dropped. He got scared. Scared of himself, that _his_ hands were around Levi's neck. Slowly he took his hands away. The ravenette started coughing and didn't realize before now that Eren actually was crying.

  
"I'm sorry." tears ran down his face and found its place on Levi's shirt. Eren didn't dare to look in Levi's eyes so he lowered his head. He was scared that he was disappointed. "I'm so sorry."

  
He started playing with Levi's shirt without realizing it. The raven just stared blankly at the roof.

  
"I'm a monster." Eren sobbed. "I-I'm, a monster."

  
"You're not a monster, Eren." Levi almost whispered. "You're not..."

  
"Then why am I like this?"

  
"It's just not your fault, okay?" Eren felt warm by hearing those words. Never had he ever heard something like that from anyone. It was mostly 'you're useless' or 'you shouldn't have been born'.

  
He leaned down and leant his head on Levi's shoulder. To his surprise, he took his arms around the boy that was above him.

  
"Thank you." Eren whispered. "For everything."

  
The brunette couldn't stop thinking about Levi's words. How lucky he was to meet this amazing man. All the happiness he found by meeting him. And yet, his sanity wanted to throw that away.


	7. Killer thoughts

  
**Eren**

The thoughts was stuck in my head. Thoughts that only found the word confusion. It was all different. Thoughts that had all different meanings. And it was all about one person.

  
_Levi Ackerman._

  
I haven't seen him in four days since what happened. And I feel so anxious just by thinking about it. If he's mad at me and doesn't want to see me.

  
But it's not just anxiousness I feel when I think about him, it's something else too. I feel warm and... _Fuzzy_. Before I felt different with being with him. It was just happiness. But now it's happiness and butterflies that are killing me in the stomach.

  
But I can't put the name on it. What is this feeling?

  
My thoughts got cut off when the nurse I don't really like, also called Annie, walked into the room. It was just her bluntness that annoyed me. Not that Levi also is blunt, but he's... Yeah, he's Levi, it's different with him.

  
"Ready for dinner?" she asked and I nodded. I got up from the chair I was sitting on, and followed her to the dining hall with all the other patients.

  
Maybe Levi will be there. Waiting for me. No. He wouldn't. He's probably sitting with his friends. People he has known for many years, while I've known him for three months. It hurts just thinking about it, that he have someone he actually can call his friends. While I'm just another patient.

  
_"You can't look at me as anything else than your psychotherapist."_

  
Just my psychotherapist. Right. Only. Nothing more. Not as family, nor romantically. Nothing. At. All.

  
I sat down by an empty table. Hopefully, no one would sit down with me. But of course, I was wrong. 'Cause the same bowling-head guy I'd seen around, sat down next to me.

  
"You seem like decent fellow." he had a playful smirk spread across his face.

  
"And you are?" I sighed. Usually I would been more welcoming, but when I have to deal with this everyday, I get tired of it. And I was not in mood for this.

  
"Connie, nice to meet you."

  
"I'm Eren."

  
"So, are you into some entertainment?" I shrugged. "Great, 'cause I have the best prostitutes in town."

  
"I bet you have." it was sarcasm in my voice.

  
"They're in my truck. Nice shape, real mugs, and they're _Russian_. The whole package man. So what do you say?"

  
"I appreciate your offer, but I'm not interested in your Russian ladies."

  
"Oh come on, I need money to get out of here." he begged.

  
"You can't pay yourself out. Wether your family get you out, or you get back to normal, like people that walk outside these walls are."

  
"Geez, I'll ask someone who actually _is_ interested in Russian women." he mumbled and left. I sighed in relief. Finally I could sit alone. But my annoying thoughts wouldn't.

  
Levi, Levi, Levi.

  
Nothing more than him. I feel crazy. Not that I already am of course. But he just made my mind go spinning crazy. I can't think of anything else than him. It's all happy and sad thoughts.

  
But the thoughts went from happy to angry real quick, as my eyes wandered somewhere else where they shouldn't have gone. Really angry thoughts. I felt my whole body change. My brows furrowed, fists under the table, my head exploding. Everything just got really warm.

  
Because there, a certain ravenette was sitting with a certain redhead. Levi and Petra. Disgust spread across my whole body.

  
Seeing Petra laugh at everything Levi said. Smiling at everything that left his soft lips. That should be me sitting there. But then again, I screwed up. Levi probably doesn't want to see me anyway.

  
"Hello Eren." Hanji came and sat in front of me so the sight of Petra and Levi wasn't in the way. "Something wrong?"

  
She must've noticed the look on my face. The flames that probably was visible in my eyes. I didn't give her one glance. Instead I was staring at the turtledoves that was sitting in the corner of the room. She probably saw this, 'cause she turned around to see where I was looking.

  
"You want to talk to him or something?" of course she understood it was Levi I was staring at.

  
"No." I said through gritted teeth. Of course I wanted to talk to him, but if I said I wanted to, she would tell him that. And it's obvious he doesn't want to.

  
"Are you angry at him or something?" the question made me avert my gaze from the ravenette and to her instead.

  
"I'm more angry at myself." I mumbled.

  
"Want to tell me why? We can talk after dinner, if you want." I didn't come with a reply which obviously meant that I don't want to talk to her. But she didn't exactly understand that. "Great. I'll come after dinner."

  
I have her a skeptical look, hoping she would get the message.

  
"Eren, I'm also a psychotherapist, just like Levi. It's not different from the talks you two have." And that's where she was wrong. Nothing can compare to Levi. No one. "I'll see you."

  
She said and left the table, so Levi and Petra was in sight again. And once my eyes landed on them, I noticed Levi giving me a glance and for a second we had eye contact. And it felt good to have his eyes on me. Then I know he have noticed me.

-

Third-person pov

Hanji made her way down the halls, ready to annoy Eren. She passed many doors before she got to the right room. Room 104. She knocked on the door and before Eren even got to answer, the door was flung open.

  
"Hi there Eren." her voice were loud and sounded enthusiastic.

  
"Hi Hanji." while he didn't sound that enthusiastic. He would be more happy, if it wasn't for the thoughts about Levi that was stuck in his head.

  
"So, I want you to tell me what's happening." she took the chair and sat it in front of the bed where Eren was sitting. That chair was where Levi sat and read for him, Eren thought.

  
"Well, I did something really stupid." I started. "But it was mostly my sanity's fault."

  
"Did you do something to Levi, that you regret?" Eren gave her a confused look. It was like she saw right through him.

  
"How did you-?"

  
"It's my job. And the look you had when you were staring at Levi today told half of the story. Now, do you want to tell me what you did?" he shook his head. "Okay, will you tell me what made you do what you did?"

  
"Well, he said things that I didn't want to hear."

  
"That made you angry?"

  
"Yes." Eren was surprised by how easier this would be. Talking with Hanji instead of Levi.

  
"Like what? What did he say?" well, this wasn't exactly a question he wanted to answer.

  
"Uhm, he started asking about my father and my past. And..."

  
"And...?"

  
"Well, that I'm not..."

  
"Eren." she gave him a voice like mothers do.

  
"He said that I couldn't look at him as anything else than my psychotherapist." he mumbled.

Hanji got a bit surprised. Is Eren looking at him as anything else? she thought. If he is, then it was good that Levi told him that. Hanji doesn't have any problems if they care more about each other than they should, but she just want to protect Levi. He could loose Eren as his patient.

  
"I see." it became silent and Eren was slightly embarrassed to say that in front of her. "Eren, can I ask you something?"

  
He nodded, ready for another embarrassing question that he has to answer.

  
"What exactly do you look at Levi as? Maybe like a fatherly figure?" she know that he's only nine years older than him, but she just had to ask.

  
"Not as a father, nor as family or anything. Honestly, I don't know. I'm just really confused."

  
"Just tell me what you feel. Like, why did you look so angry today?"

  
"I- well, it was seeing Petra and Levi together. It was like he had found someone new. Someone he actually can be with. And not one of his patients. Like me." anger and sadness spread across his body just by thinking about it.

  
"And when you say 'be with', what exactly do you mean then?" he didn't answer. Because never had Eren thought about it. All this thoughts, was it something else than he had thought it was?

  
"I don't know, I haven't thought about it."

  
"You think it is that you're maybe jealous?" she suggested. Eren's eyes widened. Do she think he like Levi... Romantically?

  
"You think I'm jealous? Over Levi?" Hanji shrugged. "In which way?"

  
"That's something you have to answer." now Eren got something to think. Never had he thought about Levi like... That.

  
"But how do I find out if I, you know?"

  
"Want me to help you?" he nodded desperately. "Okay, so first I want you to think about Levi."

  
Eren thought. The beautiful face that appeared in his head. That smile of his. Those incredible eyes. And his everything.

  
"Tell me, what do you feel?"

  
"Warm. It's like butterflies flying in my stomach. But it hurts at the same time. Knowing I'm nothing else than a patient."

  
"You want to be more than just a patient to him?" Eren nodded.

  
"What does this mean?"

  
"I don't know." Hanji lied. She knew very damn well what this meant.

And she prayed for both Eren and Levi not to find out. 'Cause if Levi return what Eren feels, then this is much worse than Levi loosing job. He could get in prison for being with someone who's underage. Or both of them could get in prison for being homosexual.


	8. Cold happiness

  
Eren had been thinking all night. About what Levi _actually_ is for him. Of course it's more than just his psychotherapist. But is it more than just friends? That Eren likes Levi a bit too much?

  
But he can't go around pondering over that when he haven't even talked to Levi in days. He have to talk to him, say sorry and hope he will forgive him. So today Eren decided to go and apologize.

  
"You need anything else, Eren?" Christa asked after she was done with giving Eren his medicine.

  
"Uhm, yeah, could you tell Levi to come by?" he asked with a sweet voice.

  
"If he's available, of course." she smiled and was out of the door. Eren's heart started beating faster. What exactly was he supposed to say?

  
_"Sorry that I strangled you."_

_  
"I didn't mean to almost kill you."_

  
Everything just sounded stupid in his head. Guess he just have to say anything that comes to his mind. The silence in the room got cut off when the door opened and the familiar ravenette stood there. The serious expression that was plastered on his face made Eren way more nervous.

  
"Eren." his name rolled so easily on his tongue as he said it. "You wanted to talk?"

  
"Uh, yeah. Do you remember you asked me about what I thought about when I heard happiness?" he nodded. "What I thought about was when I'm surrounded by the ones I care about. Then I find happiness. So what I'm trying to say is that I haven't felt happiness lately. Because you haven't been around lately. And I did something really stupid. Something I regret really much."

  
It was right before tears was forming in Eren's eyes. When Levi noticed this, he went closer to humans sat next to him on his bed.

  
"Eren, I'm not mad at you." he sighed. The words made him relax.

  
"What? But I strangled you."

  
"I told you, it wasn't your fault. You had a blackout."

  
"Oh. But I still hate myself for it."

  
"Please don't."

  
"Well, I can't exactly help it."

  
"If it helps, I also regret saying those words."

  
"What words?"

  
"All of it." they became quiet. "Well, I should get going."

  
Levi raised up but Eren grabbed his wrist.

  
"Wait, can you stay here for a bit longer?" he pleaded. Levi stood there staring at those puppy eyes. How can he even say no?

  
"Fine." he grumbled and in return he got a bright smile from Eren. Exactly what he wanted to see. Levi sat down on the bed next to him again.

  
"You forgot your book last time." Eren got up, got the book that was laying on his desk and handed it to Levi. "Will you read for me again?"

  
"Sure." he took the book from his hands and opened it. Eren followed his lips as he spoke.

  
"I was fifteen years old. It was a cold Sunday in November, the first day of Autumn that led one to think of the coming winter. Millie had waited in all day for the carriage that was to bring her new bonnet ready for the expected bad weather.

  
That morning, she had missed mass; and listening to the sermon, sitting in the choir with other children, I had looked anxiously to the side of the belfry to see if she would enter wearing her new hat.

  
That afternoon, I attended Vespers alone.

  
"Indeed," my mother had said, to comfort me while brushing my childish clothes with her hand, "even if it had arrived, the hat would have certainly needed changes that would have taken me the rest of the day".

  
That was the way we often passed our Sundays in winter. Early in the morning, my father would be away to some distant fog-covered pond to fish for pike from a boat; and my mother would withdraw until evening into her gloomy bedroom to mend her plain clothes.

  
She did it this way in case one of her friends, also as proud and poor as she was, might come in and surprise her. As for me, Vespers finished, I would wait, reading in the cold dining room, for her to open the door to show me how the clothes looked.

  
That particular Sunday, a spectacle in front of the church kept me outside after the service. While children had gathered to witness a christening in the porch, on the town square, several men, dressed in their firemen's uniforms, had formed up in columns and were stamping their feet in the cold as they listened to Boujardon, the fire chief, who was hopelessly failing to get to grips with the niceties of drill..."

  
The baptismal bell stopped suddenly as though it had embarrasingly recognised that such a jolly sound was completely out of place. Boujardon and his men, their weapons slung across their backs, trotted away behind the fire-engine, and I saw them disappear round the corner followed silently by four boys whose heavy soles cracked the twigs on the icy road where I dared not follow.

  
Only in the Café Daniel was there any sign of life left in the village - you could hear the murmur of the patrons' voices in quiet conversation. As for me, worried that I would be home late, I followed the wall of the great courtyard that separated the village from our house, and arrived at the little iron gateway.

  
It was half open and I could see immediately that something out of the ordinary was happening..."

-

Levi

  
I decided to look through Eren's files today. Because I just realized it's been a while since I wrote about something that happened ill. It's been a while since that incident with Eren and I took place. And he have gotten much better.

  
_Jaeger, Eren_

_Born: 30.3.1930_  
Sex: male  
Birthplace: Mannheim, Germany

_Moved to Trost when he was four, lived with his parents. Neighbors are unknown. Eren and his mother, Carla Jaeger, was being hit by Grisha Jaeger. His mother later died. Killed two men when he was seven, unknown reason. Later burned down his house where his father was, apparently it was not an accident._

_Had many blackouts and got into fights. Lately he haven't gotten as many blackouts like he used to. No fights either. For about two - three months he have managed to stay clean._

  
The last sentence made me have something to think about. Eren doesn't actually have to be here. But I can't do much with this so I have to talk with Erwin instead. I made my day to his office as I passed familiar faces.

  
"God morning, Levi." Armin had a sweet smile as he had Jean next to him. Jean's face wasn't nearly as beaten up as it was months ago.

  
"Morning, Armin." I had a straight face as I passed him. I knocked on the green door till I heard the same voice I've heard for many years.

  
"Come in." my eyes landed straight on Erwin's eyebrows as I got inside. "Levi, what brings you here today."

  
"Read." I slammed the files right in front of him on the desk. Patiently I watched him take the papers. His eyes went from the right side to left as he read.

  
"What are you trying to say here?" he put it away and looked up at me.

  
"Eren has no intention of being here anymore as long as he takes his medicine." I pointed at the files. He didn't exactly seem surprised.

  
"I am aware of that." his voice was calm.

  
"You knew?" I took the empty chair that was by the table and sat down. My serious expression was plastered on him.

  
"Yes." I could feel anger built inside me. By some ridiculous reason I felt kinda angry because Eren was still here when he doesn't have to.

  
"Then why the hell is he here when he can be a free kid?" my voice raised.

  
"He won't exactly be a free man when he doesn't have anywhere to live, and he's not even an adult." I calmed down a bit. I really am stupid. Never did I thought about that. "I have never seen you taken a patient this serious."

  
He was right. For some reason Eren have been different from others. It's like Isabel barging into my life all over again.

  
"So we're waiting for someone who may know him to come and pick him up. Maybe family. But it's probably hard to find someone in a place like this."

  
Thoughts started streaming through my head. What if no one comes to take him home? Then he has to live in an orphanage instead. But I could take him home.

  
"What if I take him to my place. He can stay with me. That's better than being trapped here." I had to watch out on what I was saying. Do I want this? Yes, I want it. Not only for Eren's sake, but also mine. I don't have to be so lonely anymore.

  
"Well, I can't tell you what to do and don't do. You're free to adopt him. But before you do anything, you should think through what you're doing here. I've known you for a long time Levi, do you think you could bare with a kid? And you have only known him for a few months."

  
"Half a year, and yes, I'm sure. It's not like he's five, I don't have to look out for his back every second."

  
"Okay, it's your choice, but you have to ask him first."

  
"Of course." without another word, I left. Left his office with a good gut feeling. I won't regret this.


	9. Outside world

  
It was another normal day. A normal day for everyone, except one person. Levi. And maybe for Eren too if he says yes. But it was no doubt in that.

  
Eren found himself where he was every day with every other crazy person. Same room, same chair, same people. It wasn't much different from any other day. He was looking out the window that had grilles.

  
Oh, how much he missed the fresh air that would blow through his hair. The sun that would shine through the leaves and leave marks on the ground. He missed it so bad.

  
He just felt sad by looking outside. But Levi on the other hand, he was ready to see that sad face of his turning into the sun itself.

  
"Hey Eren." the brunette got a bit more happy by seeing the only person here he actually likes.

  
"Hi." he smiled and soon noticed Levi's smug smile, wondering about what he was thinking about. It's not often he sees him like this.

  
"You look sad today." Levi tilted his head probably understanding it's because of the outside world.

  
"I just miss being outside." his voice sounded miserable as ever.

  
"I see." Levi leaned by the wall, still having that smile spread across his face. "Want to go outside?"

  
"What are you saying?" Eren gave him a confused look.

  
"Do you want to go outside instead of being here?"

  
"Uhm, yeah but I can't."

  
"Well, you see, there isn't anything for you here anymore. You haven't had any blackouts or anything. For about three months you've managed to stay out of trouble."

  
"Which means?"

  
"Eren, I'm saying you're free to go." everything exploded for the brunette. His eyes widened and everything was tickling in his body.

  
"Are you serious?" Levi nodded.

  
"But you have to live with me until you're an adult." Eren jumped up from his chair and attacked him with a hug. The ravenette got surprised by the sudden embrace, but soon he melts into the hug.

  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" the two of them stole everyone's attention. Then both of them realized what they were doing awkwardly backed up.

  
"What's going on here?" Hanji interrupted their little moment. Both of them faced her.

  
"I'm getting out of here." Eren gave her a huge smile and she returned it.

  
"Eren, I'm so happy for you, but where will you live?"

  
"With Levi." Hanji gave them both a smirk. She could already hear the wedding bells in the back of her head. Still she was surprised that he even agreed on having Eren living in his house.

  
"That's great, I'm really happy for you, Eren." she patted him on the shoulder. Then her eyes wandered to somewhere else. "Hey Moblit, don't bite Nanaba!"

  
She walked past the two of them and they looked behind them to see where she was going, just to see Nanaba's arm in Moblit's mouth. They didn't mind it and turned to each other again.

  
"Shall we get out of here then?" Levi suggested and Eren nodded still with a smile on his face. God, how lucky he is to have met this man.

-

Eren didn't have much to pack. He didn't exactly have a lot of things on him when he first arrived to the sanitarium. He met Levi by the reception and they were ready to go. Eren was ready to go outside in the first time in forever.

  
"Ready?" Levi asked.

  
"Never been more ready." they got to the door and Levi had to lock themselves out. The door handle was being drawn down slowly and a stripe of light shone into the room. The stripe got bigger and bigger as Levi opened the door.

  
Fresh air filled the narrow air and the sight of trees got into sight. The sun almost blinded both of them. Eren took one step outside and it was like heaven for him. He took a deep breath before looking down at Levi.

  
"How is it?" Levi's eyes were locked on Eren.

  
"Beautiful." the brunette was fixed on the view.

  
"Come on." they started walking while Eren was overjoyed. And it even made Levi flutter seeing the smile on his face.

  
The walk took about ten minutes and when they arrived to Levi's house, Eren was almost surprised by how nice house Levi had. And it was even nicer inside. Everything was clean and not messy at all.

  
"Please, make yourself at home." Eren nodded as response. Honestly he didn't exactly know what to do and of course Levi noticed it. "Eren, just relax, this is your home now."

  
And those were words Eren had longed for. This was his home now. Just by the thought, he smiled. And it made everything better because it came from Levi. The only person he wanted to be with...

  
"I'm going to make dinner now, it's maybe done half an hour. Do you want anything before that? Are you cold maybe? I can get some warmer clothes for you." there was a slight worries in Levi's voice.

  
Eren couldn't stop feeling lucky. This is what he have wanted for a long time. Someone asking what he wanted. Someone worrying about him. Someone caring about him.

  
"I'm fine, thank you." Eren gave him a genuine smile. Then he sat down on the big couch and got himself comfortable. A few minutes later Levi came into the room again.

  
"Are you sure you don't need anything?" Eren had to let out a little laugh at his worried expression.

  
"Levi, really, I'm fine. Don't worry."

  
"Just making sure." and with that he was out the door.

  
Just making sure.

  
Eren can gladly get used to this. For once, someone cares. Having Levi there is everything he can ask for. The silence grew as Eren sat in the living room. His eyes wandered around the room and then landed on a picture that stood by the fireplace. Without hesitation his legs was already dragging him over to the fireplace.

  
The picture got into pieces and turned out to be a woman. It was only her head and down to her shoulders that was visible. Her eyes were averted from the camera and her hair fell easily over her shoulder. It was hard to tell what hair color she had because the picture was black and white, but her skin looked pale. And to that pale skin she had a narrow head shape. She looked friendly due to the little twitch her lips had.

  
Eren's attention got drawn to the door that opened behind him. Levi was standing there, leaning by the doorframe with his arms crossed.

  
"Is that your mother?" Eren asked turning to the picture again.

  
"Yeah." Levi mumbled.

  
"She looks like you." Levi's lips twitched and Eren smiled at his reaction. He coughed when he realized the smile he had.

  
"Well, it's dinner now." Levi disappeared from Eren's sight and he followed him into the kitchen. The brunette was speechless when he approached the table. There was a plate full of food and never had Eren seen so much. The sanitarium only had food that looked and tasted like shit. But this really looked good. "Please, just eat."

  
Eren didn't even hesitate before the food was already in his mouth. Who would know that some potatoes, carrots and one hell of a steak could make your whole day better. Levi watched the expression on the boy as he ate. He could remember when he first got a meal like that for the first time. After a few minutes of watching him, he dig in himself.

  
So the two of them sat there eating peacefully. And after fifteen minutes of silence, their plates was empty of food.

  
"Thanks for the food." Eren's voice filled the empty air.

  
"Eren, you don't have to be so polite all the time. Like I said, this is your home now, I don't want you to feel like a guest." the brunette nodded understanding. "Want to go out on the porch?"

  
"Yeah." Eren agreed. Levi the first blanket he found and outside they went. There wasn't any chairs on the porch so they just sat down on the floor. Levi tucked Eren into the blanket and sat next to him, not too close. The stars had already found its way onto the dark skies and cold air crept onto the two bodies. Their eyes looked up and silence filled the aroma. "Can I ask you a question?"

  
Levi's silver eyes turned and was only met by Eren's side profile. His amber-colored eye was visible. And when he averted his eyes from the night skies and looked at Levi, his green-colored eye was also in sight. The ravenette almost lost his breath just by looking at his eyes that shined in the dark.

  
"Why did you agree with me living with you?" he was serious about this, Levi could tell.

  
"Actually, it was my idea." he looked away from Eren's gaze, but could still feel the kid's eyes on him. It was hard for the boy to ever take his eyes off the man. His black hair that fell easily down, the dark rings that rested under his silver eyes that shone like the moon and his cheekbones that weren't to believe. All these thoughts were circling around Eren's head, how beautiful this person actually is.

  
"Why?" Levi's lips twitched a bit.

  
"I couldn't let you go so easily." Eren felt his whole body flutter. Fuzziness everywhere. This feeling was back. His cheeks getting warm, getting hurt from smiling so much. All this is different from how he used to feel. Now he wanted to get closer to Levi.

  
"Come here, you're going to freeze." Eren lifted the red blanket with his arm. Levi hesitated but Eren's pleading eyes made it hard to say no. Slowly he crawled over to the boy and an arm wrapped around him. He wasn't exactly familiar with the embrace, but it felt good having someone around him. But he guessed it was only because it was Eren. They cuddled closer so the blanket could get around both of them. But due to Levi's little body, it wasn't so hard.

  
Soon the ravenette melted into the embrace and leaned his head to Eren's chest, as he cuffed his nose into the man's hair. God, how happy he was to be able to be in this position with him. When he thought about it, he wanted to be in more positions with Levi. No, he can't think like this. It's not right, but at the same time it felt right for Eren.

  
But he couldn't stop lying to himself. He had read romance books. He had got jealous when he saw Petra with Levi. He had thought about Levi a lot. Actually all the time. Eren thought. He thought and thought and thought, till he had come with a conclusion.

  
Is he in love with this ravenette?


	10. Lost belongings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the last chapter

The warmth hit the two bodies that was still laying on the porch. Levi's head resting against Eren's chest, his arms around the ravenette and their legs intertwined. The boy felt hair tickling under his nose and let out a groan as soon as he realized how hard the floor was. Apparently that waked up Levi 'cause his eyes opened.

  
"What time is it?" Levi asked tiredly. Eren stretched his body so he could see into the man's house, no, their house, to see the clock that was hanging on the wall.

 

"Nine thirty." it took the ravenette a few seconds before smhe shot up.

 

  
"Shit, I need to go to work!" he raised up but before he disappeared from Eren, he turned. "Did we sleep here all night?"

  
Eren nodded thinking about what happened last night. He hadn't come so close to Levi before and it honestly made him happy. Having the silver-eyed man's head leaned on his chest, a blanket around them and getting each other's warmth.

  
But then it was also that thought Eren had come up with. It made him scared just by thinking it. If Levi didn't love him back. But there was happiness mixed in that sadness too. Imagining them together. Being in love is a big deal. That's what he had read from books and all.

  
"Okay, I'll make you breakfast real quick, and don't forget your medicine!" he yelled from the inside of the house and Eren decided to get up. All he could see was a flustered Levi that was running from the one side of the room and to the other. "Okay, see you."

  
And with that he was out the door. What was Eren supposed to do now?

-

Work wasn't much fun for Levi. Especially not when Eren wasn't there. He was on his way home again before Hanji stopped him.

  
"So, how are you and Eren doing under the same roof?" a little smirk was playing on her lips.

  
"Good, now get away from my way." he pushed her away.

  
"Sharing bed soon?" she yelled after him but he just lifted his finger at her.

  
He got home real quick without getting stopped by any other idiots. The ten minutes went fast as his mind only was filled of Eren. Levi didn't really like to admit things like this to himself, but he really like the brunette. His personality is just pure happiness and he manage to spread that to Levi too. It's like meeting Isabel all over again.

  
Only that Eren is different from her. She was like family and Eren is, more than that. It's so hard to explain. He cares for him but it goes over on the...

  
Love category?

  
It just fell into Levi's mind. It was an intruding thought. It shouldn't have been there. Not now, not ever. But at the same time, Levi can't help and kinda like the idea. It hurts by thinking about it. It feels wrong to feel it. Never had he thought about it before.

  
Levi got to his house but there was no sign of the brunette. Not in any of the rooms. But before he panicked he thought that he was probably outside. So he checked the porch and then he realized the pills that were still on the kitchen counter. All the panic spread through him. If he doesn't take his medicine he gets crazy.

  
Levi's legs were already dragging him outside in the woods. It wasn't before now he realized how dark it was outside. The trees was ranging up to the skies. 

  
"Eren!" Levi yelled out. No answer. He tried again. Still no answer. He ran and ran and ran. He would find him eventually. Probably. Or he hoped. It's a small town, there isn't many places he can go. "Eren!"

  
He wouldn't let go of the kid so easily. So he kept running till he stopped for a second, taking a glance over where he currently were at. It was just trees everywhere but the lights from the house were still visible.

  
"L-Levi..." a little voice breathed out and he already knew it was Eren. A wave of relief went through him. A few meters away from him laid a familiar body by a tree.

  
"Oh my god." Levi hurried over to him and noticed all the mud that were on his clothes. He cupped his cheek and realized how cold he actually was. "You should take a warm bath."

  
He managed to get Eren on his feet and helped him over to the house again. They got to the bathroom and Levi turned the water on so the brunette could take a bath.

  
"Take your clothes off." the ravenette told him as the water were almost by the top.

  
"I can't." Levi stiffened. Was he saying that he had to help him take his clothes off? "Will you help me?"

  
"Fine." he mumbled and went over to the kid that were sitting on the toilet lid. His hands went under his shirt and Levi's fingers on Eren's skin made them both crazy. "So will you tell me why you went outside?"

  
"I wanted to see you." the silver-eyed man let out a huff.

  
"You're crazy."

  
"You're beautiful." the words made Levi blush. How could he say it with a straight face? He averted his gaze but Eren put a finger on his chin and turned his head so they were looking at each other. "I mean it, Levi."

  
"Eren-" before he could say anything else, two pair of lips were on his. His breath hitched but soon relaxed into the kiss. Maybes this was what he had been missing all the time. A prince to let him feel free. Just with a simple kiss.

  
Levi almost panicked. He was kissing his patie- no, he was kissing Eren. And it actually felt good. And it was the same for Eren too. Just one thought that was stuck in his head. Three words he had to say.

"I love you."

Good, now say it. But he couldn't. Not now, but it would come eventually. He hoped.

  
"So this is it." Eren had his eyes on Levi. "Our unwritten story."

 _  
Yeah,_ their _unwritten story._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually didn't really like this fic. Especially not the end but oh well.

**Author's Note:**

> So that was the first chapter. AND if you find the space between the paragraphs annoying, I can write it differently. It's actually just so the chapter will be longer. Haha imma kms honestly.


End file.
